What does “Self-Love” really mean? Self-love, by definition, is love of self, or regard for one’s own happiness or advantage. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. In different contexts it also means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others, and lastly it can be defined as not settling for less than you deserve.
Based on the lens that we look at the world through it is important, for your mental health, to find out what self-love looks like for you as an individual.
For big picture impressions it could mean:
· Being true or nice to yourself.
· Forgiving yourself when you are not being true or nice to yourself.
· Trusting yourself.
· Prioritizing yourself and setting healthy boundaries.
· Talking to and about yourself with love.
· Giving yourself a break from self- judgement.
For many people though self-love = self-care. For these individuals it could mean:
· Listening to our bodies.
· Eating healthy, while occasionally indulging in one of your favorites.
· Taking breaks from work to allow yourself to move and stretch.
· Putting the phone down and connecting to either yourself or others.
· Taking time to do something creative.
One’s ability with self-love is linked to their self-esteem, which is one’s sense of self-worth, their perceived value or how much we like ourselves. Self-love is our ability to see ourselves as the flawed, imperfect individuals that we are and still hold ourselves in high regard. It is the ability to not fall into a puddle of shame or self-hatred when we mess up. It is also trying new things knowing that we could fail, without thinking of ourselves as failures. Self-love is less about the ability to withstand loneliness or establish independence (which is self-reliance) and more about awareness and acceptance of our incompleteness and imperfectness.
What self-love is not: Self-love, or one’s ability to love and appreciate oneself that is grown from actions that support their physical, psychological and spiritual growth, has been incorrectly compared to other traits in literature and in people’s minds.
Narcissism –vs– Self-love:
Narcissism- Narcissists compare themselves to others to feel better, and obsess over looking like the real deal instead of actually becoming it. They crave constant validation from others and see things in black and white. Narcissism is all about proving that they are better than everyone else and making sure others see them as they want to be seen, it is other- focused.
However, self-love is about loving yourself without needing to make downward social comparisons, taking pride in your performance and your achievements, giving yourself the validation you need and recognizing that it is ok to feel uncertain and doubt yourself every now and then. Self-love is an honest and authentic appreciation for the self, it is self-focused.
Self-compassion -vs- Self-love:
Self-compassion- While related to self-love, self-compassion is its own distinct concept. It is being kind and understanding when confronted with personal failures. It allows you to act the same way towards yourself when you are going through a tough time as you would a dear friend- with noticing the suffering, empathizing with yourself and offering kindness and understanding.
Self-love, on the other hand, is about valuing yourself as a human being who is worthy of love and respect.
Now that you have an understanding of what Self-love is, stay tuned for Part 2 in this series to learn about the numerous benefits of loving and honoring yourself and Part 3 for 12 tips for cultivating self-love in your life.
References:
Next time:
Stay tuned for my next blog in 2 weeks for Self-Love Part 2: where we discuss the benefits of practicing self-love.
Related Post Links:
Self-Love Part 2:
Self-Love Part 3:
Author: Jen Hassaj | 2-22-23
This presentation touched on so many of my own "hangups". Very well done.