In Part 3 we were focusing on actions to begin taking so we can have all of the health gains that come with positivity. So, I have a question for you…… what about Toxic Positivity?
What is Toxic Positivity?
Positivity, in general, is a combination of our internal emotions and the emotions that we project on others.
Not all positivity is bad.
Toxic positivity involves dismissing negative emotions instead of affirming them and responding to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy. It could be coming from a place of discomfort for the giver and it is shallow and unhelpful for the receiver. It usually is not intended to cause harm, instead it happens in situations when we want to help, but don’t know what to say.
In relationships, toxic positivity can cause an unintentional disconnect. When someone is trying to share something that is difficult and are shut down by another individual through toxic positivity, then they are unable to emotionally bond to that individual. Toxic positivity can also misrepresent you to others- making you seem hard to connect to or even fake.
In the relationship of a parent to a child, if the message the child receives is ‘You’re OK”, or “its not a big deal” or “stop crying everything is fine” then they are also receiving the message that their feelings aren’t OK. That underlying message can affect the way they develop and how they process and express emotions in the future.
Alternatives to Toxic Positivity
Building on what was mentioned earlier, true positivity is not just our internal emotions, it is also affected by our relationships with ourselves and others as well as our relationship to our community and the world around us.
True happiness comes from leaning into what we are authentically feeling in the moment and accepting all that we are feeling- good and bad.
Below are some ways to cultivate true positivity in your life:
· Practice mindfulness- being in the moment is the first step towards living a full emotional life.
· Admit your interpersonal mistakes- no one is perfect and we all have accidentally cut off another’s attempt at confiding in us or dismissed a loved one’s negative emotion. Simply apologize to them and try to not get down on yourself. You can also ask that individual how you can better help them next time.
· Recognize that emotions are informative tools to help us act appropriately to a given situation. They are a signal to the person experiencing them as well as to another that is being communicated to.
· Clarify your needs in communicating with others, especially if you notice that toxic positivity is being used by another individual. Clarify your purpose and state what you want from the interaction- this will help the other to relax and respond more authentically. Even if it makes things uncomfortable for the moment, being honest will only strengthen your bond with that individual in the long run.
· Teach your children how to express all of their emotions. Modeling expressing a full range of emotions and talking about them is important to help kids to grow up knowing how to deal with their own feelings and not avoid them.
· Allow yourself the time and the space to feel your feelings. Remember that your negative feelings will not go away on their own. You need to acknowledge them, understand where they might be coming from and think about how you can address and resolve them.
Thank you for sticking with me through 4 parts with this topic. I hope you learned how to see the negative effects and more importantly how to detox now and eventually prevent those negative effects from having long term effects on your health!
References:
Next time:
Stay tuned for my next blog in 2 weeks concerning Pain Science.
Related Post Links: Toxic Emotions Part 1:
Toxic Emotions Part 2:
Toxic Emotions Part 3:
Author: Jen Hassaj | 6-28-23
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